Story from the Files

From the Dating Files - oh so long ago

This was written down shortly after I had my date with this guy. For some reason he reminded of Rocky Balboa. He was short, muscular, and just had that vibe.


Rocky
Rocky e-mailed me last Saturday and sounded funny, smart, and interesting so when he asked for it I e-mailed him my phone number. We had a VERY nice chat; waaaaay too long, but witty, fast-paced, and full of lots of laughing. I loooooove calls like this. I am a sucker for them.

He called again on Sunday and upped his original offer of coffee to dinner. We agreed on Thursday evening. I was very pleased! I liked his pictures and his profile was well written and had some quirky moments. Not your typical profile-drudgery.

He called Monday; he called Tuesday, he called Wednesday. Frankly that was probably too much pre-talking. Mistake #1.

I met him at 6:30 last night in front of the entertainment area at the local large mall. He got there literally two minutes after I did. That was nice!

But, if he was six feet tall, then I have access to Oprah’s bank account. I’m 5’8” and even though I was wearing black boots with a small heel he still should have been taller than me. Nope.

We were seated and after ordering he started his “interviewing.” Asking many many questions and watching my face intently. He’s in sales and even though I work in a marketing department as well I wasn’t catching onto his technique at first which I do think was a kind of hard-sell thing maybe coupled with a little speed-seduction. Gaak!

It wasn’t a lighthearted, fun, get-to-know-you dinner like I was hoping we’d have. It was him trying to figure out how quickly he could score.

I maybe should have gotten a big clue when the first thing out of his mouth when he saw me was that I had a “nice ass” and that he has met very few women he’d bother going on a 2nd date with. I think I was supposed to feel “blessed” that he was considering a date two. Blerg.

He fired questions at me rat-a-tat-tat. Questions like How many guys am I dating? Was I looking just to have fun? Why would a grown woman want to play games and not have sex with a guy on the first date if she was attracted to him? On and on.

At one point he said he was looking for a long term thing and he didn’t want me to hurt him. WTH?

He would compliment something about me then zing in a little uncompliment. Nothing harsh, but just enough to let me know I shouldn't think I was all that. I even became a little defensive at the beginning.

I clammed up finally and he wanted to know if he had offended me. I think I stammered a denial. Crap!!

He just was an arrogant-ass.

I stood up to leave, grabbed my black leather coat, and walked out of the pub.

I heard him calling after me, but I skittered away and lost him in the parking ramp and when I had finally locked myself into my car my phone rang. It was him. I thought he might be calling to apologize for being such an ass-hat. Nope.

He said, “Uh . . . I think you have my coat.” Yes! I had grabbed his black leather coat by mistake. THUD and damn.

So much for my graceful exit. I had to drive to his damn SUV and exchange coats. Oh I soooo wanted to stop and toss his damn coat off of the top of the parking ramp.

I didn’t even say a word. Just drove off after the switch.

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Dating

I was over at Robyn's blog (great btw - check it out!) the other day reading about her dating life and it totally got me remembering my experiences with online dating a few years back.

That's how I met Pup! But I dated dozens of others before finding him. It was a very crazy experience that when I think back to it, I can't believe I had the small-rounds to do it.

I had been married for 23 years and hadn't dated since I was 20. That's a long time to be out of the loop. But I was starting to feel like I wanted someone to hang out with and do stuff with and cook for. And have sex with. I was missing sex and had tried having a friend-with-benefits, but found that kind of relationship a bit weird.

So a girl I worked with suggested Match.com. I filled out my profile, posted a couple of pictures and hit "publish."

Holy mother, I was not prepared the bunches of e-mails that I started getting. I had to organize them in folders. Create an Excel spreadsheet. Have code names for them because the names started running together in my head.

I stumbled my way into a system.

I would e-mail to begin with. If the guy sounded interesting and nice I would try to move it to the phone. If they didn't ask for my number, no more answering e-mails.

Next step was the phone call. That was challenging for me at first. I'm a talker and a laugher. If they made me laugh I would certainly go out with them even if there were flags waving. Not smart a couple of times. But mostly the calls would unearth some crazy stuff. I couldn't believe what guys would say during that first phone call.

"You aren't fat are you"? One charming man asked me. click

"I've had women date me for my money." Another said. I'm guessing he thought that because he had the personality of a small rock. Not the Pet Rock either.

"My wife used to tell me I'm boring, how's this conversation going anyway? How would you rate it"?

If the phone call went well and he asked, I would go on the first date. We in the online dating world called these the "date zero." Because it really wasn't a date, just a get-to-know you kind of thing.

I went on many many many date zeros. So many zeros on those dates.

Guys that would tell me about their physical problems, or how their kids wouldn't speak to them or what @unts their ex-wives are or drone on and on without ever seeing if I needed a glass of water or oxygen.

Two people can take one look at the other and tell if they want to try a second date. I was usually the one that didn't want a second time. Mostly they did. I used to change their name in my phone contact list to "NO NO NO!!"

The times I saw the look on the guys face, the "I'm not attracted to you" look, the date actually went great because then I would get totally outrageous and smartassy. A couple of those guys became my friends for a bit.

The ones that became date twos were great. I dated a couple of really great guys. Dating at my age was so challenging and scary and exciting.

I'll post a few stories in the next few weeks.

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