Makeup to Breakup

I can't leave the house without makeup.

I've tried a time or two, but I just can't.

Especially mascara. And now that I'm older; eyeliner. Oh, and a little magic in the eyebrow area.

I started wearing makeup in the 7th grade. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, but my first class that year was phys. ed. so I'd spend a few minutes putting it on after class. If I remember right I was heavily into all of the Yardley products and painstakingly putting on white eyeliner and then a thiner black line over the white. And then white creamy lips. Yep I was so cute!

When I moved into my 20s I was into the entire 'natural' look which only meant I still wore mascara on the eyes and vaseline to shiny up my lips (yep, I said vaseline).

In my 30s I was having babies so while I know I wore makeup, I sure don't remember putting it on. I barely remember what I was wearing, what I was thinking, or what I was saying during my 30s.

In my 40s I got way more vampy with my makeup. Much more eyeshadow, more eyeliner, I added lipstick, I added a bit of foundation to smooth out my skin, I discovered bronzer. Women in their 40s come into their own if you ask me. We're hitting our sexual peak, we are at our most attractive because we have lots of experience to back up that body we're walking around with. I remember flirting with a young server at an Italian restaurant and him looking at me dreamily after stating, "I just love older women."

Now I'm in my 50s. Makeup is no longer a fun, creative thing. It's a necessary thing! I cannot leave my house without people asking me if I'm okay.

"You look so tired! Are you okay?"

"I'm good! I'm just in my 50s. Hey, wait a minute while I find my huge sunglasses. How do I look now?"

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No Static at All

Think about poor Georgie today.

He slipped a while back and ripped out his knee. We've been monitoring it along with his vet and came to the decision that he needed surgery. He had it on Monday and, of course, when the surgeon got in there it was discovered to be entirely snapped like an old rubber band poor little dude.

They actually had to put a huge piece of hardware in his leg. He has a lengthy rehab ahead of him (Pup and I will be the therapists - aaah!).

He's such a sweet boy that even the surgeon loved him. Although when Pup brought him into The Turnstyle last week Shelly-Belly's* eyes got huge as silver dollars. I'm not surprised because I think she weighs about five pounds more than George does (she is teeny-tiny) and she told Nicolina* that George is "a scary f-ing dog." Wah?? lol

Pup has been a WRECK since this all started. He's a bad, indulgent parent. But it's kinda cute he's so concerned about George. He even asked me how I could stand it when the girls were young and sick.

Yeah . . . do you have hours to listen to stories? hehehe

I'm not a worrier. Not much anyway. I usually fall apart after everything is over. During the crisis/trouble/sickness I'm there. Ministering, nursing, swabbing, cleaning up. Then I crumble - just a bit.

Ask my first Wasband - one time Lorenzo flipped her car on a winter highway. She flipped it over into a snow-filled ditch. While we were driving to get her I turned to my finger-pointing Wasband and said, "If you say one bad word about Lorenzo right now I will punch you out. Don't play with me. I don't want to hear an f-ing word." And to his credit, for once, he said nothing accusatory.

Pup can't stand all of this. Not only did I wake up to see him sleeping on the floor with George (he said George was crying in his sleep) I even caught him letting George be on the sofa.

Nope - he cannot be on the sofa.

So Pup is getting Georgie a new bed today and that's all good.

Smooches all my hooches and do think about Georgie today.

*Shelly-Belly and Nicolina are two of the women I work with.

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Promises Promises!

I keep promising that I'll:

1. clean my office. Umm . . . yeah.
2. stop killing all of my plants. What's happening???
3. take photos of the big room to post. Aaah . . . yeah.
4. bring in that pile of clothing thrown over a dining room chair into work to consign. I think I'm afraid of being judged! Ha and wussy!
5. work out. The workout room in the dungeon really mocks me. Daily.
6. eat better. Okay - that one I really am working on.
7. stop repeating myself constantly; if not daily. I'm not certain how to fix this one. I don't know I'm doing it!
8. enjoy winter this year. No complaining.
9. stop letting time fly by without my noticing it! It's really starting to scare me.

Meanwhile:

1. I am enjoying my new job and all the awesome muchachas lindas that I work with. They all call each other dorks so I fit RIGHT IN! Amazing how that works out sometimes right?
2. We had a family meeting (Pup's fam) at our place and I was petted and coddled and praised for all the awesomeness that is our house. I blushed like a teenage bride.
3. I am preparing notes and a list of all the managery things I'll be able to do for Pup once he and I buy into the new biz (in the spring - yahoo! He's expanding his business in a HUGE way and needs to hire someone and who better than yo for that? Keep the money honey. Keep it in the family as Pup says. Why not? I super duper enjoyed working for him last winter before I took the job at The Tumbler. It was a bit surprising to both of us how well that went. Sometimes hubs and wifes shouldn't. It did help that I had my own office.
4. summer is ever so slowly turning into fall and that, this year anyway, is making me so happy because I do love the fall even though it means winter is on its way.

Aaaaaah breakfast out. What could be better than that?

SHOPPING! I texted this photo to Bella to show her I was expanding from my normal palate of gray!  Exciting yes? hehehe

As always, I am super duper jealous of this cat's sleeping ability.

This is why I fit right in with the other dorks. I am one. Yes, those are Crocs. Don't hate me.

My last name starts with a W. Is the Universe trying to tell me something?

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400th Post

This seems momentous! It's been great fun and great expression.

Not so much during the past few months. A variety of reasons have contributed, but the biggest one just may be impetus for the change I am about to make.

I haven't talked about it much, but I got a job back in March. I was sooooooo excited!

Not too many stories from The Tumbler because . . . well . . . because I kept experiencing the not so good and hoping for the best. I think the metaphor goes something like that. Maybe not.

That's the other problem with this problem. How something, somewhere was withdrawing my magic charms. Yes! Those! Heh . . .

I tend to be a stick-with-it person. I don't jump imprudently. I try hard to not be overly impulsive. Think things through. Maybe even a bit stubborn.

The slow, painful realization began pounding into me a change needed to happen. It really hit me on the head when I found myself one Saturday evening designing this t-shirt for myself.

This can't be good I thought.

So change is coming for me. I'm glad about this. It will be a bit of a challenge, but isn't that quintessential? Yep.

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Pupism of the Week

Do you think if Calvin's balloon-knot broke free that he would blow about the room like a deflating balloon?

What it is!

I'm so whiny right now I can barely be in the same room with me.

C'est la vie!

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Feb 16, 2011

I've been reading different blogs all over the country and it looked like many places were experiencing a bit of a thaw.

When I left the office the other day (I am doing some work for Pup) I thought the air felt a bit balmy. Holy Hannah I guess it was a bit balmy!

Yes, my outside gauge actually reads 58. This is mostly interesting to peeps here in Minnesota since last week the temperatures were below zero.

I'm not a fan of the February thaw. It plays with my emotions and gets me thinking Spring is in my future. It will be a while. Quite a while. I really shouldn't be with other people in February since I'm such a little joy to be around.

^..^

I was stopped at a traffic light in case anyone wants to call me out. Heh! My phone really isn't that grubby although I just had to have white didn't I??

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Valentine's Day

If you have a Valentine honey, yay you. If you are your Valentine honey, yay you. We really are all we need. It's nice to have a honey, but it's an add-on, not an absolute. Either way it's a good thing.

Here is what Pup had the flower-man bring me today. I was deep into making sense of a senseless situation and looked it. The look on that man's face was something I wish I had gotten off a Blackberry shot of.

Priceless!

Daisies are my favorite flowers. This little bouquet is colorful and so lovely.

I was feeling fretful and obnoxious today. Must be the storm before the calm. Yes!

Happy Valentines everyone. You all mean more to me than an 80 percent off sign on a rack of lovely STUFF!

Smooches my hooches.

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In Keeping with Keeping

I feel on edge when I live in a space that isn't orderly. When it isn't tidy. When it isn't CLEAN!

But . . . I've done pretty good so far. I've ignored the fridge in the dining room. I've ignored layers of dust. I've ignored every spoon and coffee cup in the house being dirty.

It's ever so sweet right now because the end is soooooooo in sight and I am taking the very sage and smart advice from several of my readers and I'm hiring a small team (well okay, there are two of them) to help me get out from under the dust. I'm happy about that!

Pup is clutching his chest just thinking about it, but I told him to blow me. Smooches Pup and sorry I stole your line!

He'll be fine. It's double hard on him with all of this because he's in the throws of his busy season and all of this is unsettling. Poor baby Pup.

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You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping.  
~Rudyard Kipling

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch."
~Joan Rivers

I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
~Roseanne Barr

This mess is a place!
~Author Unknown

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
~Author Unknown

When I have company, I don't clean the house, I just throw a sheet over the furniture and say I'm remodeling.
~Phyllis Diller

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Your Mother Should Know

Still stuck on song titles from The Beatles. When in doubt - steal!

I've been seeing photo memories all over the web of late. I'm thinking lots of us are in funky-funks perhaps and looking at the past is the best way to form a future. Bop!

When Pup and I were in Idaho I was looking through family photo albums and Momma Bee was sweet enough to scan a few for me and throw them on a CD. I'd love to go back and scan all of the albums the memories and visuals were so fun to see. I want them!

First of all; here's another shot of my car. Isn't it the most awesome thing you've ever laid eyes on? Just knowing that my dad wants me to have this made my heart swell with emotion. Cars are his passion and that he is going to share his passion with all three of us kids is beyond words for me. I love you Dad.

Barnabee is on the left. The rest are my aunts and one of my aunt's partner. How adorable are they?

A shot of me when I was about 20. I do believe there was wine involved. Do you love those plucked eyebrows?

My momma. This is a shot of her while we were all up at the cabin. A natural redhead. As fiery as you might imagine. I do believe it's true what they say about redheads. She was truly adorable and kept you on your toes to say the least.

The mountain view outside of Barnabee's front window. The fog never cooperated while Pup and I were there so I am so happy that Momma Bee had this photo to share.

Lorenzo and Barnabee's dog Chitzi. The girls and I rescued Chitzi from the clutches of a crabby piano teacher they had back in the day. I bought Chitzi from that lady and gave her to my momma. My dad fell in love with that little thing and had her for years and years. She was a ballsy little thing. She was once at my house and tried to eat George's food, which he didn't mind, but he drew the line when she tried to kick his ass out of the room. I do believe it was one of the few times I ever have heard George growl. Miss you Chitzers. You were a crazy, cute, little beastie.

This was taken a couple of years ago at my house before I married Pup. Lorenzo looks crazy-happy about something. Me and Bella apparently wanted to take our leading ladies out for some air. Ha!

Looking at photos can make the grayest day better. I love my family and am so grateful for them. Smooches and love you guys.

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Tumbleweeds

Yeah, what would I do without google images?

Don't know what that's about, but that's what is going on in my head. So, I'm empty in the brain.

It could be what's going on around here, which is very exciting! But it's all encompassing. And overwhelming. That's good.

Or it could be our trip to Idaho. That trip was eye opening. I miss my dad and while I'm so happy he is happy, I hate that he's getting older and living so far away. Where he lives is not an easy place to get too. It's not like you can just hop on a plane and get there quickly and cheaply. It's an expensive plane trip and a long plane trip and even then you are still 25 miles from where they live. Difficult.

It's good. It's sad. It's the reality.

Meanwhile, here I am. With the tumbleweeds.

What's in your head?

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Madhouse

It's a madhouse around here. Literally a madhouse.

Meaning, I am either insane, or we are putting on an addition.

I knew it would be hard. After all, I've been through a few bouts of remodeling in my life. I even built a house once.

But this one is really hard. Mostly because I'm unemployed (looking for work like a mo-fo I might add; finally, my kids might add) and mostly because, right now, the dudes are working in the office and working in the room-to-be-renamed.

I don't like it when things are out of place and the whole house is upended.

So, I'm pulling up my big-girl panties (or my granny-panties I guess I should call them) to get on with it.

Concentrate on what it is, not what you want it to be. Be in the moment. What the hell does that really mean? I think it means that instead of moaning and moping about because things aren't the way I want them, I need to celebrate the process (bop!) and maybe learn a thing or four.

So, with panties firmly in place, I approach the continuation of this process with open-ended curiousity and never-ending joy.

Got it? Yes I do!

What are you approaching?

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Birthdays

Yesterday was both Momma B's birthday (she turned 80!) and my Lorenzo's birthday.

Baby-girl Lorenzo! My baby-girl.

When I was newly married to my girl's daddy I rashly stated that I didn't want to have girls when we had children. I wanted to have boys. Girls were little wenches and snotty and boys were awesome.

So, of course, I had girls.

What the hell was I thinking? Girls, my girls, have been the biggest blessing in my life. The end. I mean that.

They have been such a blast from their first little farty smile, to their crabby adolescence, to their blossoming womanhood. That is the part that no one really ever tells you about. How wonderful and unexpected it is to watch what you helped to create turn into a grown-ass woman.

And I have to say, about both of my girls, that they are such great women.

Lorenzo is the kind of woman everyone wants to know. I truly do not know one person that hasn't been charmed by her. She is fairly calm in crisis, a wild-child when out hooting it up, a great person to bounce ideas off of, a lovely woman. I'm proud to be her momma. Love you Lorenzo.

It was also Momma B's birthday! Who could ask for a better momma-in-law? She is adorable and as incredibly talented crafter. You should SEE the crocheted tablecloths she makes! Works of art.

Last night we had part of the fam over for cake, ice cream, coffee, wine, beer, and anything else anyone wanted.

I was also trying out my Nikon with varying results. I tried, last night, simply setting it on auto no flash.

Every time I pointed that thing towards anyone they got annoyed! I need a bigger lens so I can stealth-shoot. Of course I am hardly The Satoralist so who gives a flying crap? Ha!

Yes, I baked both of these cakes. Scratch frosting. Don't hate me 'cuz I'm the only martha you know

 

George, ever hopeful Pup will let him lick his plate.

Adorable LD and her bro, Jamester.

Handsome Kiss.

SuzyQ

Momma B

Lorenzo, she will be pissed. Sorry baby-girl! I always think you are gorgeous!

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Requisite Resolution Ramblings

Seriously? It's the end of the year? WTH happened. Wasn't it just August?

We are having a great winter season here so far. Lots and lots of snow. Very tricky to drive in and so lovely to look at. Even here in the city where I live it's lovely. The snow hides all the ick from everywhere.

I could list the crap I want to accomplish, I could list the crap I didn't accomplish. It's crap either way.

Who said this, "Don't say, do"? That's how I'm feeling. I'm not going to blah blah blah. Well, that's not true. I'll do plenty of that. Just not about resolutions.

But I have a few thoughts in my mind for change. I always do have those thoughts. Some work, some don't, but when you stop having those thoughts, that's when you're done. I don't want to ever be done! No matter how much I kick and scream, bitch and moan, gripe and grouse, complain and exclaim.

I did learn tons of crap this year.

1. I learned that my brain can still learn. Who knew?
2. I learned that sometimes you get a second chance.
3. I learned that if you don't use it, you really do lose it.
4. I learned that I never want to stop coloring my hair.
5. I learned that planning an addition is crazy-making fun.
6. I learned that I can be a force to be reckoned with.

What's to come.

1. Expand job search.
2. Rethink career goals.
3. Relax about the den. It will be fine. Big deal and quit second-guessing.
4. Eat better. (said every damn year - ha!)
5. Exercise more. (ditto)
6. Consider electro-shock therapy.

Alright! I feel cleansed!

What's going on in your resolution solutions?

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New Tricks for Old Dogs?

Yes, I can still learn

Nikon d3100 - heavenly

I know, I know. Some of you photography fans are going to miss my Blackberry shots. After all, the composition and lighting has been flawless yes?

So, I am learning. I am listening. I am pushing buttons and flipping levers. I am having a blast!

What are you playing with?

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It's interesting to me . . .

that if idiots say something often enough, others begin to believe it. Why why why?

that - yes - Christmas is coming. Same time, same place. Get a clue Deborah.

Pup is 12 and I love that.

that my baby-girls give me chest-bursting pride and more fun than I can shake it more than once at.

that I love Minnesota. Cuz you know I'll be bitchin' along in say February and March.

some women should NOT wear turtlenecks.

all women should wear heels.

men and woman should not wear baseball hats ALL THE DAMN TIME. Sometimes is fine.

I get the most comfortable with my body right when it starts to fall apart.

how some people simply do not know the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over expecting different results - I could be in here somewhere).

that nearly nothing is as enjoyable as that first sip of my morning coffee - sigh.

that I am having more fun imagining and designing than I have a right to.

that I can still rock an interview. I just may be better than I think I am.

What are you thinking about?

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I Think I'll Make Cookies

Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."  
~Robert Byrne

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.  
~Bill Watterson

Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.  
~From the movie An Affair to Remember

Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.  
~Author Unknown

One kind word can warm three winter months.  
~Japanese Proverb

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In My Life*

Last Wednesday evening I got a call from my wasband that a dear friend of ours had died.

He was dear to us in millions of ways. He was Little Buzzy's (wasband's) best friend, married one of my best friends, was the best man in our wedding, was our Bella's godfather, plucked my wasband out of a river while the two of them were smelting, made me laugh always, was much loved by all the nieces and nephews in his large and warm family, and loved by all of us. So loved by all of us.

I'm reeling from this. If I'm reeling I can't think how his family is doing. How will we do without him.

I'm sad. Sad sad sad. Tears and more tears. Tears for his wife, my old friend. Tears for all of us that love him. Tears and laughter for the memories.

May I say something so complete in its DUH-factor? We take each other for granted. We expect things to stay the same and they don't.

1983 - Big Buzzy, Teri, Bella, Little Buzzy - yes Wasband is that damn handsome.

Big Buzzy, remember how I used to cut your hair? You would say to me, "Dizzy - don't get too happy with those scissors. I don't want to look like the last time." or "Dizzy - my hair is CURLY! Don't get too short." I would snip away and occasionally say, "whoops!" just to get you riled up.

I remember when something would happen, good or bad, and I'd look at him to see what he was thinking and he would invariably say, "Dizzy, what can I say"? His big hands outstretched and questioning. Laughing all the while.

I really loved him and the last couple of times I saw him I would hug him and when I would go for a second hug he would say, "Dizzy, you already got one!" He was as squishy inside as he was all grizzly on the outside.

Here's to flannel shirts, Schmidt beer, lot parties, putting the speakers on the top of a car, shaking it more than once, and loving someone more than you realize.

We miss you. Please come back.

*Teri, the pastor was right, perfect song selections for the service. Hugs woman.

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Within You, Without You

Every Thought That Crosses My Mind
I know a woman that said, not necessarily to me, but to the world at large,

"Why would anyone blog? Who needs to publish their every thought"?

I internalized this, as I do everything, and gave it a place in my brain.

Which immediately made me realize if I published every thought that ran through my brain I would never leave my desk, I'd have to buy a Jimmi-Jane for over-caffinated days, have my meals brought to me, and I would lose the use of my limbs from nonuse.

I'm dangerously close as it is, but my pointy-point is writers do not write their every thought. But I'm here to guess that bloggers/writers have more than the average amount of thoughts running through their heads.

I'm also aware that I can have two (maybe more, who can pay attention?) thought-threads running around in my brain at the same time. This bugs me to no end.

Just one thought for one day from one woman.

I'm a Blurter
At times I will say out loud the thing that is in my head, maybe not fully formed, maybe not ready for prime time, maybe not appropriate.

At times the blurts are amusing. At times insulting. At times conversational. At times confrontational.  At times thought provoking. At times simply annoying (told ya).

If ever I would consider a mood-leveling drug, it would be to stop the blurts.

So - are blurts a type of truth serum? Are they simply done to self-promote? Done to self-sabatoge? Done to draw attention - wanted and unwanted?

Falls right in with the extroverted introvert thing. Draw attention to the fact that you're uncomfortable and not wanting attention.

Figure that one out and I'll kiss you full on the lips! Even if you don't want that kind of attention.

Are you a blurter? Are you thoughtful or thoughtless? I'd love some thoughts on this! Ha! Seriously, I would. Let's get inside each other's head for a hot second.

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I've Been Through the Valley for You*

I've just been ransacking google images for graphical representation of my grade and have discovered that unless you are getting an A or an F, no one wants to hear about it.

When did this happen? When did getting a B mean 'better luck next time chicky-poo' and 'aaaah, you poor thing'? All or nothing I'm seeing.

That's what I got! A B! On the final and overall. I may have exaggerated once that I was pulling a C, but I do now believe I was feeling the all or nothing approach to schooling.

I am happy with my B and happy that I'm done with school for a minute.

Happy!

Taking the final took over two hours out of my day and may have shortened my life by about five years.

The stress!

I read through each question so many times, went back through the exam so many times, gave answers, and then double checked what I was answering.

11:30 a.m. - Settle in chair. Computer fired up and ready. Web page accessed and logged in.

11:35 a.m. - Oh, I have to pee.

11:40 a.m. - Double checking log-in name. Is Deborah spelled right?

11:45 a.m. - Reading and rereading exam instructions.

11:50 a.m. - Shutting door. Considering locking in case Pup comes home, running through the house shouting something important like, "Somebody needs a spanking?"

11:55 a.m. - Laugh about this visual for a second or two.

12:00 p.m. - Begin for real.

12:15 p.m. - This is hard.

12:30 p.m. - I have to pee again.

12:45 p.m. - This is seriously hard. My brain is starting to hurt.

12:50 p.m. - Mind wanders to my Blackberry; do I need to check it?

12:55 p.m. - I resist.

1:00 p.m. - Are you Fing kidding me? I'm only on question 38 out of 66? Shoot me now.

1:05 p.m. - Why did I have that second enormous cup of coffee? {scurrying off to pee again}

1:10 p.m. - Agonize over questions 39 and 40. Make wild guesses.

1:15 p.m. - Go back to questions 39 and 40. Make second wild guesses.

1:20 p.m. - Hit part three of final; the easy part.

1:25 p.m. - Hit submit.

1:30 p.m. - Use curse words I didn't know I knew because I have to give an evaluation before the systems will release my grade.

1:35 p.m. - Call Instructor to ask about office code number. WTF?

1:40 p.m. - Text Lyndsi if she knows the code.

1:45 p.m. - SUBMIT and hello there B! I'm happy to meet you.

1:50 p.m. - Stumble from room looking for water like it's actually scotch.

Aaaaaaaah, sweet relief. My face is red and the anxiety is fading from my gut.

Love this feeling! Ha!

*Just try getting John Legend out of your head when you're in the middle of your final. Uh huh.

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Accountability and Challenge

I am doing my final here at home today.

In class yesterday we were all talking about our different test-taking styles and it was discovered that about half of the class would prefer testing in the classroom and the other half would prefer testing at home.

I am testing at home! Eee gads and awesome. The exam is online and open book, so what difference does it make? I'm so happy.

When I am taking a test I'm good until that first person turns in their test. Then I can't stop thinking how I may be the last one standing (sitting?). The brain starts giving me background noise and I begin losing focus.

Yes, ridiculous. Who cares if you're last? Tell that to my brain.

Wish me luck. I'll be locking myself in a bit later in the day.

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I am also beginning a personal fitness challenge, but I would LOVE anyone who would care to join me.

Goals are simple; pick whatever goal it is you desire. Mine is eating mindfully and daily exercise with a weight-loss and fitness goal in mind. I have a gadget on the right for my tracking. Does anyone know of a spiff tracking gadget we can use?

Begin it to win it!

I'll host a cyber-party for all peeps that join the challenge. Ideas are encouraged!

Here are a couple of my favorite links for help.

Mark's Daily Apple

Kelly Olexa

Brad Pilon

Let's kick it and get legendary!

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