What's Eating You?

Oh! Did I say that wrong? Did I mean what am I eating?

I can't stop eating eggs right now. I guess that's good.

Although it's probably not good to always eat at your desk. Just like when I had a corporate job. Mostly at the desk unless I was going out with peeps for those long fun lunches. I do miss the long corporate lunches. Always a good time to tell you the truth.

I think I miss working downtown mostly during the holidays. It was so nice to be downtown for shopping! Could that be why I haven't really started?

Ooops! lol

Are you guys breakfast eaters? What's your fav?

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The Deep End

Source: My Favorite Book - The Internet

My house is a mess. For real and for certain.

I'm behind on laundry. I'm behind on dishes. I'm behind on niggling little projects all over Chez Emerson.

I have too many junk drawers. I have a utility room where you wouldn't be able to find a utility if your ass was on fire. BTW - what the hell is a utility? Why does it need its own room?

These are the things that inhabit the space between my ears. Not useful things like, "Here is my plan for the day. Let's see how many check marks I can make against this list."

Nope.

I think about whys and why nots. I think about human nature and why women can be so mean to each other. I think about the love in families. And how, sometimes, it is goes badly. I think about how I know I would die for either one of my girls. I don't say that lightly. That love is so definite. No quibbling. It is a cement wall.

I think about how lucky I've been in my life. How I have had good people around me for much of it. How I have been able to jump in many many deep ends of pools with various degrees of success. The success isn't always the yardstick I measure with. The jumping is the thing. The jumping really is the thing.

Even now, at my geezerly age (AARP is stalking me peeps! WTH!) I am starting, yet again, a new thing. In the core of me I hate learning new things. At the core of me I love learning new things. CRAZY! lol

Trust me, working retail (a consignment store - working in it, not owning it) isn't rocket science. But already, I am liking the familiarity of it. I have just that kind of disorderly mind that loves making things orderly. It's a sickness really.

Although I could be cleaning my house.

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Rick Astley

I was just "rickrolled" into watching this so now I'm going to make y'all suffer along with me.

I dare you to not be humming this little tune for the rest of the day. Ha!



I, of course, used to LOVE this song and would dance around my tiny kitchen with my baby, singing it to her little arse.

What's amazing about this video is how current the dancing is! I mean, I dance like that! How did they know?

:)

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Hey Hey We're the Monkees!

Photo courtesy of my very own Bella. She attended an event called, I believe, Convergence. What that exactly is, I don't know. Even when she explains it to me I don't know.

But check out this example of the cool cats, or mitigating monkeys as it were, that attended. Many many peeps attend in costume. Do you wonder if their butts have big red smiles as well?

Bella wore a costume as well. I'm hoping she will share a photo with me.

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Hot Enough for Ya?

Weird right?

Those of you that live here know this to be true; those of you that live elsewhere and have thoughts about Minnesota, I'm guessing you can throw them out of your window. If your windows were open.

This is me. This is me in traffic. This is me in traffic with the top of my Jeep, Ruby, UP! This is me amazed at how high that temperature gauge went yesterday. It eventually read 107. I don't think it was actually 107, but I do think it hit 102 yesterday.

HOT AT HELL PEEPS!

No wonder we're so aggressive on the roads (Minnesota drivers are in the top five of angry drivers). The roads are either ice and snow covered and treacherous, or they're buckling under extreme heat.

It's weird here.

I swear, if it weren't for the weather, I really don't know what we'd do for small talk. I spent many hours yesterday at my doctor's offices (waiting - testing - waiting - testing - talking - waiting - testing) and the general topic I heard was about the weather. What else are you going to talk about in the 30 seconds it takes to have the nurse get you from the waiting room and plop you wherever it is they plop you?

And get this - our peonies just bloomed. Because our spring is so late. Nothing like throwing us directly into the deep end of the pool. The few flowers I have were very sad looking yesterday. I ran around watering some of them, but it was so god-awful I had to flee. This is when I truly envy my BFF that lives in a small town in Wisconsin on a lovely lake. Never horrible there. Always lovely. Except in the winter. And except it's not The Cities. I do love the cities. But I love the lake.

As Pup would say, "What a whiner!"

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Pardon Me?

No reason for this. Just savor the cuteness of them watching TV.

It's early morning. Way early morning. 4:30 in the early morning.

Before you feel sorry for me, know this; I was in bed at 8:00 last night.

How old am I?

I blame it on the mysterious illness that has felled everyone I work with; one by one. I am resolute that I will not be one of them, but yesterday back in the cave, (my office at work - office being a very loose euphemism) long about 4 or 4:30 my large noggin' was nodding and bouncing. Feeling woozy and SO TIRED and just a tad ick. I nearly nearly called Pup to come rescue me, but cooler heads prevailed (although I was vacillating between hot and cold in rapid succession).

I slept like this. Really.

So now after eight glorious hours of sleep I'm up, drinking my coffee and reading my neglected blogs.

I've been on a bit of a blog-vacuum of late. Nothing will be dislodged out of the oft mentioned hugely huge noggin'. There just isn't anything in there.

Well, that's not true. Plenty is in there, but believe me, it should only stay there.

Like this:

I had my yearly last week where the woman giving me my exam was confounded at the year of my birth. Saying a few different times how I look marvelous and have great hair and look 'so young'! Even though I'm a chubby f-er right now (maybe forever) and not feeling so hot. Not hot. Even though a client for the Tumbler was following me around like a puppy yesterday. Kinda. I know that look. I was relieved to see that the look isn't only a dim memory. Ha!

Now - cut to the next day. I'm shopping and bring my purchases to the young un at the check out.

"Would you like the senior discount"? she asks.

I stare at her.

Me?? Is she talking to me? Me of the lustrous hair (chemically enhanced as it is) and youngness dripping off of me like a Dairy Queen dip cone?

So, my smugness lasted about 24 hours. Gotta keep it real.

I told this story to both of my daughters and the younger one stated, "Oh yes mom, you're aging well."

Holy hannah. That was another anchor-moment. Aging? Oh dear!

Now why would that word bug me? Not sure about that.

I don't think it bothers me. Getting older that is. But I'm as vain as the next woman. I color my hair and consider other procedures (so far consideration is as far as I've gotten).

My age is good! I like having my life experience behind me AND in front of me. Nothing wrong with that.

Meanwhile, I have a sweet husband that got me this lovely piece of perfection for my birthday month (which is also our anniversary month so it's a double present - the best).

Isn't he awesome? I have to mention that he did this totally unaided by me (for real!). He simply overheard a conversation I was having with his niece and actually remembered the NAME of the bag! He REMEMBERED! Most of the time I don't think he's listening at all.

Here's the next thing I want to 'mention' in a conversation. Do you think I'll get it?

But seriously, how fun would this car be? I want it like I want good coffee. And good sex.

So impractical, but so fucking cute!

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Here Comes the Sun

Same street - 24 hours apart.

Bella had the same type shots on her blog and I'm betting many bloggers from Minnesota have had similar photos, but I got nothing else peeps. NOTHING!

I'm a boring drudge. I go to work, I come home, I go to bed.

I was telling Pup last night that when my girls were little I had a job and I'd run in the back door and begin making supper practically with my coat still on. And a million other things got done after that.

He said, "You were younger then babe."

I immediately started pouting. "I don't like that answer!"

I fear he's right, but balance needs to find a way into my heart.

BALANCE - IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT BIKING.

Or something.

Here's the good stuff:

1. Easter was a blast. We made brunch here at Chez Emerson, ate it up, and played Rock Band so hard Lorenzo got blisters from drumming. We rock! I'm certain we sounded like cats being killed, but I DON'T CARE! It was fun.
2. I have gotten to the point at work where I'm actually GETTING little work-related jokes. You know the kind. The kind where you nod knowingly and make someone laugh with your insight and schadenfreude. Yeah that's right baby, I really am this witty and fun to be with. Well . . . sometimes.
3. Pup and I are enjoying The Big Room (newest incarnation of the room's name - family still loves The Pit and B (son-in-law) still loves Den.) Pup and I had continued calling it The New Space, then it evolved to The Big Room. Stay tuned cuz I know you can't wait to see what we call it next. Is that sarcasm I smell?? Hmm?
4. The glimmers of spring I'm seeing are making me silly and hopeful.

That's it from me peeps. What's doing with you all? Are you knee deep in the hoopla?

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Let's Be Clear - Or Not

Something is happening.

I don't know what it is. It could simply be finals. It could be because I'm preparing for a vacation. It could simply be over-introspection.

Several irons in the fire as they say. Many things to think about. I'm trying to actually focus on them rather than pushing them out with avoidance.

Could that be a light way down there? Really? If I squint I can see it.

~~~~~~~~

I have a group of online buds I've hung out with for, can it be, closing in on 10 years? The core group that is going on now I've been hanging with for over five to be sure.

An AWESOME group of women btw. Each one more different than the last. I can't even describe to you how different these women, (girls? ladies? guys? I don't like any of these descriptors) scrap that, friends are. We live all over the place. Literally. We are all at different places in our lives.

Yet there is this core of similarities. This bedrock of belief that keeps us with each other. I love it and find it fascinating.

So - at that place - there has been much talk about manifesting.

Here is a dictionary.com definition of manifest:

manifest late 14c., "clearly revealed," from L. manifestus "caught in the act, plainly apprehensible, clear, evident," from manus "hand" (see manual) + -festus "struck" (cf. second element of infest). The noun sense of "ship's cargo" is from 1706. The verb sense of "to show plainly" is late 14c., from L. manifestare .

Broken down to the simplest idea (that I am understanding) is that you must see it to be it. See it to have it. See it to touch it.

I do believe this conversation may have been what is sparking me.

Right now I'm hanging on to the side of the car while climbing up to the peak. I know at the top I'll see down and all the scary shit that is in front of me.

Oooooo, I hate rollercoasters! Sometimes you just have to get on and hang on.

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The Fever

Holy Crapinoli. It is only 26 degrees right now, but the sun is shining and there is the possibility of close to 60 degrees today.

Did you hear me?

60! That's practically naked weather here. I have seen people riding around in convertibles already. Not me, not yet. Once I take the top off Ruby (my Wrangler) it is a commitment. That top does not go up and down with a push of a button like Pup's BMW (yes, he's a spoiled brat; he bought it for himself six years ago and that man loves that car like I've never seen.)

So yes, we live in Minnesota. Where it is pretty cold nearly six months out of the year, yet we own two convertibles.

The reason? People around here are stone-crazy. No lie.

The sun comes out and the state goes insane for weather. Because when it's nice here it is the most gorgeous place ever. And when you know there might not be another day like this around the corner, it makes you appreciate the day you have.

The golfing, the driving ranges, the outdoor patios at resto's, the walking around the lakes.

All the lakes. 15 thousand of them. Boating, camping, hiking, riding in cars with boys, riding in cars by yourself.

Can't find a picture of Ruby with the soft top - sadness!

I love my Ruby. She is the 2nd Wrangler I've owned and as long as I can haul my round arse into that seat I will own one.

Yes, I have bad hair all summer. Yes people COMPLAIN when they ride with me. Yes it is like riding in a gravel-hauler. But man is it fun.

I can't find a pic of Pup's car. His is black.

Riding around in Pup's BMW is fun as well, but a different kind of fun. A skirt and sunglasses kind of fun. A valet-parking kind of fun.

I do both. I lean towards the wife-beater and hat kind of fun. Converse sneaks, a hoodie, and wife-beater. Jeez I cannot wait.

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Random Thoughts of the Day

Received this in my inbox from DD Lorenzo. Made me laugh out loud!

~~~~~~~~~~

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*ck was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

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